I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
