When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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