Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
