Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
