I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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