I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
