buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
