I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
