"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
