why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
