So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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