I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
