So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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