my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
