Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's get the cat blown out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
