Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Randomize
