I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize