I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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