Christians are straight up FREAKS
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize