i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
