Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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