we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
