your thong is hanging out like whoa
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
