Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
