capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize