we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
