so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize