my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How external is "for external use only"?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
