your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
