oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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