so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
