I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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