I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
