PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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