Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
