apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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