so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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