Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
