you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize