i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
