Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
