where am i from again
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
