I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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