You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Someone signed my nipple.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
