Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize