Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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