Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
