I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
