It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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