Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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