I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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