I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize