so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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