im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
