he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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