Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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