We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i will never coherently bang her
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
