Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
