Old men and throwing up are my life now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
