Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
