I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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