I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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