where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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