I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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