Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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