i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
