Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize