Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
