I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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