Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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