I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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