Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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