I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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