The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need water and some morals
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
