Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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