this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
